One of the biggest motivating factors in starting this site was simple: I wanted to get laid. So…. why not use one of the greatest inventions of mankind for getting some action? While I’m not necessarily a pussy loyalist, and once and a while I like a little variety, I do have a specific taste in women. If I had it my way, I’d do a rigorous screening process, but that’s just not feasible in most cases. This dating application is a great chance for me to narrow down the options so that I can get some Grade A meat in my inbox, and hopefully my bed. Now, people might compare me to Tucker Max; it happens all the time. I’ve read of some of his books and he is definitely a good writer, but lets face it, he’s an asshole and I’m not. That’s why I put together my very own dating application – so that you ladies out there who visit my site can have a chance at getting to hook up a more quality dude. Fill out each question to the best of your ability and one of my minions may or may not get back to you. Just a note: bonus if you send a naked selfie (full body).
Sex (males need not apply):
Where did you live before your current location?:
How did you find me?
Are you a stalker?
Why do you want to have sex, ahem, date me?
What is your best physical attribute?
Why would I want to date?
When do you want to get down to business?
From a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the stupidest) – how smart are you?
Do your friends consider yourself a train wreck or a girl that has it together?
What is the weirdest thing that you’ll bring to our date?
What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever done on a date?
What would you like me to bring on our date?
Will you bring a friend on our date for a little ménage a troi?
Do you have sex on the first date (only answer yes)?
Do you talk dirty in bed?
Will you dress like a skank or with a little sophistication?
Do you have any prosthetic appendages?
Preexisting medical conditions?
Do you have fake knockers or all natural?
Do your boobs feel like two amazing bags of jello or two tiny packs of mayonnaise?
Please write down the full diameter and circumference of your areola:
How low does your clitoris hang?
Please describe your vagina in detail:
What kind of food will you like to eat?
What is your expected budget?
What will it take to get you in bed?
Rate the squeakiness of your bed, from 1 to 10 (10 being the squeakiest):
Are you a break-the-bed type of girl or a keep-it-neat-and-clean kind of girl?
Are you a squirter or a desert trooper?
Are you completely comfortable whips, chains, handcuffs and the like?
Are you completely comfortable with dildos, vibrators, and the life?
Do you have a high orgasm tolerance?
Do you know what a high orgasm tolerance is?
Are you prepared to go where no woman has gone before?
Will you leave in the morning and stick around and nag?
Will you incessantly call email, text, show up wherever I am if I don’t ever call you back after our date?
Are you lying about the last question, because that’s the deal breaker: