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Jack Gary

Jack Gary Guide to Oral Sex: On Giving The Best Blowjob

Jack Gary February 13, 2013 SEXCAPADES Comments Off

What can I say – I love pussy, eating it, fucking it, loving it. If every year I were given pussy instead of cake, my birthday wish would be for more pussy. And likewise, if I were to get a blow job instead of a cake I’d be fine with that too. As I am sure a lot of guys would be. There are oh so many myths and oh so much social pressure pertaining to the subject of oral sex. When faced with the challenge, many men and women will undoubtedly fail. It’s gotten to the point where I am pretty sure I have some kind of 6th sense, as to simply knowing a woman’s oral abilities, upon a simple glance. Maybe it’s their lips or bone structure, or perhaps her hands, or the way she carries herself. Whatever it is may be, I can spot a skillful dick sucker from across a crowded bar. I am like some kind of oral-talent scout. Most ladies don’t need such a sense about their male counterparts, because I’d say over 85% of men have no idea what they are doing down there, or where anything is down there for that matter.

Just a note to the ladies and gentleman reading this before I go on – a woman who can suck good dick is a keeper; a man who likes to have his dick sucked, better get really good at eating pussy, if he wants to have his habit sustained.

IMG_5706I’ve been with a lot of woman who are terrible at oral sex or BJs, playing the skin flute, kneeling at the altar, going down, sucking off, giving head – whatever you call it. It usually becomes abundantly clear if a woman has no idea what she is doing within the first few seconds. I’ve had women drop to their knees, rip off my pants, and just hold it in their mouth while they gave some sort of half hearted attempt that resembled a cross between blowing and licking, all while failing to keep the teeth out of the equation. I’ve had women that have slapped my dick around in their mouth, without incorporating any sort of sucking or licking. What is that all about? I can see how a lot of men might find this frustrating – especially if they are under the assumption something amazing is in store – not to mention with cocked-and-ready gun, ripe for the shot.

How could you not think this when a woman is slowly taking off your pants?  It’s like watching a really great trailer to a movie (ahem Lincoln) and then the actual movie sucks (I don’t care if it might win a bunch of Oscars). Within the first few seconds you realize that you might have to sit through a long trial and error game before someone says something. It could be a while before she asks you if you like it or before you just simply decided to suddenly ‘not feel well.’ Most guys think that if a woman is terrible at oral sex that this means it is completely uncorrectable – that she’ll be terrible at sucking dick forever. Such an exponential tragedy could not be so. And it could be a tragedy unless you teach her the right way.

For every great dick sucker there at one point a great teacher.

To teach her the way, you’ll need patience and an observant and be a watchful apprentice (preferably one with big tits and nice big lips). That’s where the girl part comes in.  The first time I realized I could teach a girl to suck my dick properly is in my mind as vividly as the blow job I am receiving as I write these vary words.

It was one of my girlfriends I had in my early 20s. She was a dancer – yes that kind of dancer. To quote Tina Turner, she was “a private dancer, a dancer for money.” You might be thinking to yourself: ‘What kind of stripper would be terrible at giving blow jobs? This is a common misconception that most people have – people think that just because they are strippers they are automatically skillful sluts, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Not only did this girl and I have an exclusively monogamous relationship, she was surprisingly pure and sweet, and obviously inexperienced. Anyways, she sucked at sucking me off. It took many tries, before I just gave up hope that she would ever get me off hard. And not long after, she lost interest in it too.

Before sex, we’d just skip the whole going down on each other part, because it didn’t feel right. Resentment began overcoming the bedroom, or playroom as I like to call it. As this resentment started to build, so did a cum stain sized hole in the fabric of our relationship.

That’s when I realized I needed to take matters in my own hands. I patiently taught her all the basics of cock sucking, teasing, and sucking. As she learned, we advanced the lessons, and she, being the eager to learn gal that she is, graduated “make me cum laud” in no time.

The easiest and by far laziest blowjob advice you can give to a woman is to work the shaft and cup the balls. The history of where this advice comes from is by far the funniest story of all.

You see, actor and meathead, Sylvester Stallone fancies himself a teacher too – albeit a terrible one. Apparently, while on set for a movie he was filming in Vancouver, during a break from shooting he invited a young, inexperienced female production assistant into his trailer – where things started to get interesting.

The rest of the world knows about this story only because he forgot to turn off his microphone – of course he was acting in a movie and most actors are mic’ed up to catch all the dialogue, especially in high action films. But there was a whole other kind of action going on in Sylvester’s trailer. Sound engineers working on the film quickly realized what was happening and broadcast the sound for everyone to hear. The first audible sentence to come out of the loud speakers was, “Oh yeah, stroke the shaft cup the balls.” Yes, stroking the shaft and cupping or working the balls is good advice, but its only part of the panoply of things you can do to give a great blow job.

One of the most important things to understand is where a blow job starts and where it ends. You can’t start a blowjob in the middle – which is essentially just the sucking part and you can’t end a blowjob whenever you want to. Essentially, the end goal is not to have a mouthful of cum. Giving blowjob is a little bit like a marathon. If you are running a marathon you don’t start off sprinting, you slow things down, build stamina, you relax, sprint occasionally (not for long), and wait for the finish line to appear before really going your hardest.

One of the best blowjobs I’ve ever had the pleasure of receiving was from a woman whom I started dating a couple a years ago. We met on the street when I was putting money in a parking meter. I saw her walking down the street from afar and thought that she might be hot and I waited till she came closer so I could take a better look. As I turned around to put a couple quarters in the meter I felt a hand grab my crotch. It was the girl I saw walking down the street. That night we went out to dinner and when we went back to her place she performed some magic on my penis that no other woman before her could.  Essentially, it started with a full frontal body massage – complete with stroking my body with her fingers from head to toe. Total relaxation. She massaged my scalp – weird places, like my elbow and under my chin like I’m some sort of cat. Needless to say, that alone felt unbelievable. Then she started to undress. She had enormous breasts that fell out of her shirt like big beautiful clouds of a light tanned tone. Her nipples were perfect – the areolas were a perfect color and perfect size and perfectly sensitive.

She started stroking my face with her big beautiful tits as she undressed me. She then unleashed my cock, and began stroking it with her tits.  After doing this for about five incredible minutes, she let her mouth find it’s way to my meat, and began sucking. Sucking and moving her mouth up and down – all while using her hands to stroke the base like some kind of attentive sculptor. It didn’t take much time before I squeezed one out and down her throat. Best blowjob complete.

You see, the best blowjob usually comes from woman with a combination experience, but all that experience starts with one dude teaching her how to suck his dick properly. Women can’t major in the field of ‘dick sucking’ in colleges.

Any marketing or business major is for all intensive purposes, worthless, without a finely tuned knowledge as to the mechanics of a good knob job.

Men, you a presented with a choice: get a bad blow job and go home unsatisfied, or teach a chick to blow you right and receive some of the best custom work you will ever be presented with. ­

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