Wednesday 23rd August 2017,
Jack Gary

That Time I Got Banned From Comic Con

Every June in sunny San Diego, California, there is a convention that celebrates nerdom in all its glory. Every year, thousands of nerds emerge from their parent’s basements to celebrate what is known as Comic Con International. You’ve got your typical bespectacled youth who are obsessed with sci-fi, comic books and video games, but you also have the people that make the comics, which include overweight or socially inept comic book writers, illustrators and filmmakers. You also have D-list celebrity types, reality stars and then you’ll randomly catch Charlie Sheen rambling on about something in a microphone.  Then you have the die-hard fans that dress up like the characters from the comic books, with elaborate costumes and masks. This is where the whole world goes to hide from the school bully.

Best of all, you have the cosplay chicks who are basically incredibly hot models hired to dress and act like the characters in comic books. They sign autographs and walk around the convention center with complicated outfits – sometimes full body costumes with masks and heavy special effects make-up. It should also be noted that all super heroines in comic books have an incredible amount of cleavage and tight fitting clothes. This is because they are the dark, twisted fantasy of the comic book’s creator, who was usually tormented throughout adolescence.

It should also be noted, according to a Forbes article I read on the plane, that Comic Con International makes a whopping $150 million dollars in sales annually. All this dressing up and weirdness is actually churning out an insane amount of money for the people who rent booths at the convention. And why was Jack Gary there, you might be asking? Well, I came along with a buddy who had just released his first comic book. He was an anomaly in the comic book writing world, because he was a jock type and got laid. He just had this weird thing about comics and really liked to draw. He was good at it too.

Anyways, I was bored as hell. This wasn’t the place for me. Where were all the hot chicks? I decided to go searching. I needed to get laid – I needed to be inside vagina… stat. I thought to myself: there has to be some pussy somewhere. There were literally thousands of desperate, lonely girls walking the halls; at least one of them had to be moderately good looking. After about 2 hours of mindlessly walking around I ran into a girl, at least I hoped it was a girl, dressed in a full body Japanese anime costume. Huge eyes, long hair and a tight little outfit, but all of it was a vinyl body suit. It was one of the strangest things I had ever witnessed, but I decided that I wanted to find out what was underneath.

We ended up talking for a while in the lobby. I could tell it was a woman, because I could hear her voice and it sounded sweet, sexy and attractive. A word to the wise: never judge a woman by her voice if she is wearing a full body cosplay costume. At one point she told me she knew of a closet we could sneak into and get “freaky.” I was bored, so I said why not. We go into a utility closet and I asked her to slip out of that ridiculous costume. She obliged, but it was dark and I was curious as to what she looked like. So as she was slipping out of her suit I flicked on the light. What I saw was something out of a bad dream. She must have been at least 40 years old, had incredibly bad acne scars and was maybe around 30 pounds over weight. So I open the door and high tail it out of there. I heard her call me a jerk as I ran away.

This is the part where Jack Gary gets banned from Comic Con and all hell broke loose. At this point I was a little desperate to get laid, not because I was horny, but because it became a weird game of mine. There had to be at least one hot chick in this sea of nerds. That’s when I met these two young blonde chicks dressed very similar to the female characters in my friend’s comic book. So I go up to them and ask them whom they were dressed up as and they gave the name of the character’s friend’s comic. Then they gave me a blank stare like I said something wrong, but I immediately realized what was going on. I wasn’t nerdy enough for them. I wasn’t like them.

So, I did what any rational person would do and I told them I was the creator of my friend’s comic. A natural white lie that got them interested in me real fast. They told me they heard I was going to be at Comic Con from my twitter account, so they decided to dress up like the characters, because they wanted to give me (who was pretending to be my friend) a surprise. The surprise they want to give my friend was none other than a double dick sucking, provided exclusively by them. These chicks were two needles in a haystack and I wasn’t about to let ethics get in the way of my double knob job.

So we headed into a nearby bathroom and sequester ourselves in the handicapped stall. Plenty of room for two die hard comic nerds and guy who is about to get his dick sucked my two chicks. So they go down on me one after the other – one chick is stroking my dick and the other chick is sucking. They each take multiple turns stoking and sucking, stroking and sucking. I loved every minute of it. However, hilarity ensues when just as I’m about to cum a security guard swings open the stall door and catches us in the act; at that exact point the two girls who were deep throating my cock like they were getting their tonsils checked.

The security guard, who was a short bald guy and couldn’t have been taller than 5 feet, instructed them to wipe of their mouths and for me to zip up my pants. He took us to a little room and asked what our names were. I couldn’t give up the fact that I wasn’t my friend, because I risked possibly losing these two dick-sucking queens, plus I had pretty bad blue balls at this point. So I went along with the charade and gave them my friend’s name. The short bald guy did some typing in a little computer and then asked me if I was an exhibitor. I could tell he was suspicious.

Then he walked into another little room and I could hear him mumbling into a walkie talky. Unfortunately, the jig was up. He had talked to my friend on the walkie talky and told him that there was a guy trying to impersonate him and that he was caught getting his dick sucked by two chicks. I knew he was going to be pissed and the girls were already furious. So I spilled the beans completely – it was the only thing left to do. There was no blowjob at the end of this rainbow. In the end I got a bad case of blue balls, a slap on the wrist and I am now permanently banned from Comic Con International.

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