You know that incredible moment when an adventurous chick is blowing you and you are thinking it just might be the best blow job you’ve ever gotten in your entire life, and then, wham, out of nowhere she slams a few fingers in your butthole and you spluge all over her face like you’ve never spluged before? Yes, I just had to add spluge to my spell-check dictionary as I was writing this, but spluge is the only way to describe the kind of semen that emanates from the deepest part of your testicles when a gorgeous chick gives you a prostate orgasm. As a sexual adventurer and conquistador I am always looking for new, rich sexual territories to conquer and what I have found is that one of the most bountiful territories is inside my own asshole. And on my sexual travels I have found a few tools that make exploring this lost city of gold a lot more pleasurable. If you have a girlfriend, a significant other, friend with benefits, or like to bring lots of girls back to your place like I do, I recommend having one of the following 5 tools on hand so that you can find the gold that is a prostate orgasm.
- One of the most popular is called the Waterproof Prostate Massager and it is by far one of the best selling prostate massagers on the market. This multi-speed vibrator is also great for the beginner or the person who has just gotten to prostate island and wants to hang out on the beach first before they head into the jungle. And if you just want to stay in the water before you actually get to the beach you can, because this vibrator is completely waterproof. Basically, this vibrator has a great wand shape that allows the person operating it a firm grip and at then at the top an angled tip, which is specifically designed to massage the prostate gland for maximum pleasure. I recommend using this toy with your favorite lube and then starting off on the lowest vibration and then moving up to the highest when you are ready to explode.
- My next recommendation for anal pleasure for straight guys, gay guys, bi-guys – or any other kind of guy – is the Silicone Prostate Probe. If aliens had dicks that felt this good I would go gay for space creatures. How’s that for a quote? This prostate probe is great, because of its simplicity. Just a basic shaft with ridges and pleasure nubs that feels absolutely unbelievable when they are rubbing against your prostate. Not quite a butt plug and not quite anal beads, this probe is made from a really unique material that is completely hypoallergenic. I recommend using this probe when you are getting an amazing suck job from a chick. Just ask her to put this thing inside your asshole when you are good and ready.
- And this next one I like because it is so small and it looks so cool, especially next to a plasma screen TV at a hotel. The Icicles No. 14 Glass Anal Massager is definitely something I would have made during glass blowing class in community college – if I went to community college – and then had the teacher – if she was hot – jam it up my butthole. This anal massager is incredible because it has the perfect shape, size and is made out of glass. The great thing about glass dildos is that they adjust almost immediately to your body temperature so you aren’t dealing with that feeling of something ice cold up your rear end, which isn’t such a bad feeling if you are expecting it. I like to take this massager and cool it down with some ice before I use it or before I have a woman do her magic with it. And don’t worry about it going too far, because it has a ring at the base so that you don’t have to make any embarrassing visits to the emergency room.
- Next up, you’ve got the Men’s Pleasure Wand, which I like to think is the medium to advanced user’s anal vibrator. Novices can use it too, but just a fair warning: this thing can pack a punch. Basically, you’ve got a flexible red jelly shaft, a vibrating egg, and a four-speed controller. What you’ve got to imagine with this toy is that it is designed to be almost like a crooked finger – the same way a chick would crook her own finger inside your butthole while blowing you. Except this toy has the magic of electricity, technology and science in it. This is like a crooked finger with horsepower just waiting to rev your prostate gland until you splurge all over her face.
- Finally, you’ve got the classic Adam & Eve X-10 Anal Beads. Nobody makes them better than our friends over at Adam & Eve. If you have never used anal beads before you are truly missing out. The great thing about these is that you can buy two so that both partners can experience the magic, because they are so affordable and why wouldn’t you want more than one? Anal beads work like this: each bead is bigger than the other and all you have to do is push them in one by one. This is a unique sexual experience like none other. For beginners you can choose to go in only a few at a time and work your way up, which is what I recommend. Or you can find an expert that can show you how it is done. Regardless, if you’ve never tried anal beads before, I highly recommend it – just for the experience. What do you have to lose?
The best thing about anal tools is that anyone can use them. You can have any sexual preference and you can still enjoy the amazing benefits of having your prostate gland massaged. Some people think that any kind of anal insertion is gay, but what if I told you that a prostate orgasm feels better than any orgasm you’ve ever had? What’s so gay about using one of the above tools by yourself or with a woman? Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, because there absolutely isn’t. I just don’t care – sex is sex as far I’m concerned and if we’re born with the natural pleasure centers, we have and there are tools out there that can activate them, why not use them?