Wednesday 26th July 2017,
Jack Gary

The Blowjob Chronicles of Jack Gary

There is nothing that compares to an amazing blow job. I think most guys can back me up on this one. Moreover, there is nothing that compares to a hot porn star style blowjob – we’ve all had one and we all know at least one girl that can give them. Sometimes it’s not even the hottest girls that give them. Also, everyone knows what it’s like to get a bad blow job – it feels like the girl would rather be dangling a cold hotdog in her mouth than your dick. Anyways, I thought it was time to share with my readers my best blow job stories, because some of them are really ridiculous and funny. I actually started off with a list of about 30 stories, but I had to narrow it down to some of the very best, so here they are.

Can’t Touch This

This first one has to do with MC Hammer. Yeah, you read that right. There was a time when I thought it would be funny to make the song “Can’t Touch This” my ringtone. So every time someone called it played that stupid song. It actually got embarrassing after a while, but I kept it, because I liked the reactions I got when I was in public. One night I got a booty call from one of the girls on my roster of regulars. This girl was an oral sex queen. She could suck my dick like Yo Yo Ma can play the cello.

So she came over and I put my dick in her mouth and she went at it like a pro. She was stroking and licking, stroking and licking, like I’d never seen before. She was working some serious magic on my dick. And just as I climaxed, my phone started to play “Can’t Touch This” – it was another booty call coming in, of all things. The girl who had just sucked my dick and who had a mouthful of semen, was so startled that she started to choke. I thought I was going to have to perform the heimlich maneuver, but just as I thought everything was alright, she gave a little snort and my man juice came exploding out of her nose.

The Deposit

One rainy day, in a big city I won’t name, I was walking with this girl to lunch, but on the way I needed to stop off at a bank. I needed to deposit a few checks. I had a big raincoat on that went down to my knees. I was looking very stylish and the chick I was with was gorgeous. Besides the rain, all was good. The bank was empty. Apparently no one does their banking on rainy days. So I went up to the teller and started writing out my deposit slips when all of a sudden I looked down and noticed that the girl I was with was depositing something else in her mouth. She had some how averted the attention of everyone else at the bank and had hidden in my jacket – and she had started to give me a knob job. It took a while for the teller to calculate all my checks, but at that point I didn’t care. I was getting an amazing blow job right below his nose and he didn’t even notice. If you have never reached sexual climax in a bank, I highly recommend it.

The Regurgitator

This story happened a while back when I still drove a car. I had just taken this girl on a date and she was smoking hot – a real 10. Before I could even get to her house to get it on, she started giving me an incredible blow job, in the car. It was like she couldn’t wait to get home.  I was desperately trying to find a place to park so I could enjoy a rare moment of sexual ecstasy without having to stress out about driving, for once. I remember telling her that I wanted to pull over, but she insisted that she wanted to give me road head. I obliged and kept driving around. She kept telling me that I couldn’t come in her mouth or else she’d puke. So not only did I have the stress of driving, but I also had the stress of trying not to come directly in her mouth. I had no idea how I was going to pull this off. So I decide, what the hell, I’ll just come in her mouth and pretend it’s an accident.

So I did exactly that, but after I did she lifted her head and looked at me with a blank stare. She was pissed and nauseous – I could tell from the expression that was on her face. Apparently I shot such a large load that she swallowed it almost immediately. After a few seconds of blank staring – from both of us – I heard a loud belch. I was almost relived that it was only a burp, but then came one of the most horrible things I’d ever seen. She proceeded to puke up my entire load – projectile style – all over my car. I never spoke to that girl again and it ended up costing me $300 to get my car detailed and the smell of puke and semen from off the seats.

The Girl At The Restaurant

Once upon a time I was dating this girl and it was getting to that boring phase where we would go out to eat and not say anything to each other. It was getting to that point where getting a blow job from a stranger would have feel better than vaginal sex with the girl I was dating at the time. About halfway through the meal I noticed this gorgeous woman from across the restaurant. I started doing that thing where I was looking at the girl I was on a date with, but I was really trying to focus my peripherals on the hot girl at the table across the restaurant.

Somewhere towards the end of the meal, the girl I was with gets up to go to the restroom.  Right when she got up, the hot girl made a beeline for me. Without saying a word she was under the table, unzipping my pants, and whipping out my dick. In my life I’ve hooked up with a lot of chicks in a lot of crazy ways, but this was out there, even for me. I didn’t know if she was crazy or if I should have stopped her, but I decided to just let her go at it. It was an amazing blow job – maybe the best I’ve ever gotten. She squeezed out my seed in less than 2 minutes, zipped my pants back up and went back to her table. The girl I was dating at the time came back to the table and had no idea what just went down. We had dessert, paid the bill and left. We broke up a week later, but to this day she has no idea that I got a blow job from a complete stranger while she was in the ladies room…. I guess she knows now after reading this.

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