Sunday 17th December 2017,
Jack Gary

To Tape or Not To Tap: The 4 Main Species of Women That Roam Las Vegas

Jack Gary

I’ve had enough anonymous sex in my life that if you took all the women I’ve slept with you could probably sink an ocean cruise liner. I don’t know what the final tally is, but it’s a lot. And one of the best places in the world to have anonymous sex is in Las Vegas. I think it’s a combination of things that make it so damn fun, like the alcohol drinking, easy money and no rules, but the nightlife in Las Vegas is essentially a playground for adults. Some of my craziest sexcapades have happened in Sin City. Also, I’ve left of my biggest regrets there. Anyways, there seems to usually be 4 types of women that prowl the electric desert on a nightly basis. I wanted to give my readers a chance to know who they are and tell you some of the craziest stories I’ve had with them, mainly so that you can make the decision on your own as to whether or not to have sex with them.

1. Strippers

Number one on the list of typical females in Las Vegas are strippers. They are everywhere. Lap dances are basically Las Vegas’ biggest export, but they don’t really export them, they just keep them in a variety of different dingy, dark rooms across this lonely desert town. The strip clubs in Vegas range from low-low class and full of the lowest tier strippers, to high class with porn star quality strippers who have great tits and give premium lap dances.

Jack GaryOne night I was at a strip club that fell somewhere in the middle of low class and high. It was 4 in the morning. I had been out all night at various hotel club parties and casinos. If you’ve ever been to Vegas, you know that there is no such thing as time, just dark and light. I also had a headache. On this particular night, there was no one in the club – just me, a couple of other depressing looking guys and a lone girl on the stage. This was my life, I thought. It only got better when the stripper hopped off the stage and started to talk to me.  I told her I wasn’t interested in a lap dance, but she started talking to me anyways. It quickly escalated when she kept asking me to “take her away from here.” I got nervous, because she was starting to act really crazy and incredibly emotionally disturbed. After she started crying in my lap and getting mascara all over my nice white shirt the bouncer had a complete shit fit and had to throw me out. Those are strippers: broken, unbalanced, and with a lot of daddy issues.

2. Trailer Trash

Next up you have the trailer trash girls. Keep in mind that many of the strippers themselves are actual imports to Las Vegas, but the trailer trash girls are born and raised here. These girls will basically show their titties and vaginas to any moderately attractive guy who shows interest in them. I met Tammy and Lisa at a gun show a couple of years ago – that’s right, a real gun show. There are gun shows every couple of months in Las Vegas. This was a semi-automatic handgun show and Tammy and Lisa were there “cruising” for guys. Picture this: leathery skin from a combination of the blistering desert sun and tanning salons, cheap factory cut short shorts, and platforms. This is the classic attire for Las Vegas trailer trash. Somehow I got to talking to both of them and one thing led to another, and before I knew it I was in a trailer-park about 5 minutes off the main strip making sweet filthy love to Tammy and Lisa. If you meet trailer trash like Tammy and Lisa you know that you don’t have to waste too much time actually talking to them, because most of them are too stupid to understand you, but they are very easy to get in bed if you politely ask, and they are very good in bed. If Tammy and Lisa are reading this, the sex was great, but read a book once and while.

3. Bored Housewives

Bored housewives are everywhere in Vegas. Most of them spend all day in their homes, but when they do come out they like to spend time at the slot machines and in hotel pools (which are more like mini night clubs, but during the day). Their husbands are usually rich and have high paying jobs on the strip, like performers, pit bosses, casino and hotel owners, and even some mob guys. The average age for a Las Vegas housewife is between 28 and 50. I met Beverly at a fundraiser event one night  – she was in her late 40s, but she had a great, fake rack. She was also really zesty and I could here the motor of her sex drive as close as I was talking to her all night. I knew the night was going to end up in someone’s bedroom and didn’t know why. She was a hell of a lot older than me and she had a huge diamond ring on her finger. That could only mean one thing: rich and possessive husband – a volatile combination. Anyways, we end up going back to her place, which when I look back on it was a terrible decision. She lived in one of those classic Vegas houses outside of the main drag. Her house was extremely tacky with all sorts of animal prints and satin fabric. Her husband it turned out was a wrestler – a pretty famous one at that. Beverly and I had sex on the bed where she sleeps with her buffoonishly large wrestler of a husband. Again, looking back on it – why was I so brazen? Word to the wise: if you meet a bored Las Vegas house wife she will take you back to her tacky house, where pictures of her scary husband will be on the wall, you will have cold, awkward sex and then she will tell you to leave.

4. The Gold Diggers

If there were ever a few words of sex advice to give to anyone visiting Vegas, it is “Beware of the Gold Diggers.” These women are only looking for one thing: a guy to marry and who will become their own retirement fund. Worst of all, there are a lot of guys looking for the same type of woman, because either they’re too old to care or just want a young woman to drape over their arm until they croak. Las Vegas is ripe hunting ground for these types of women. The reason why I don’t have any crazy sex stories with any of them is because I smell a gold digger from all the way across a hotel casino floor.

Hopefully this list was illuminating for some reason. I thought it was necessary to get something like this out in the world so guys, from all walks of life, can know what they are getting themselves into. I’ve been to Las Vegas enough times to know that these are the main types of species of women that roam the desert, day and night. I’ll leave it up to you to make the decision: to tap or not to tap.

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