Sunday 24th March 2019,
Jack Gary

What Not To Do When You See An Ex

Nothing is more awkward than running into a chick that you used to bang. Moreover, it is even more awkward when you run into that chick while you are on a date with another chick that you hope to bang. Emotions range from nervousness, sheer panic, delight, and horniness – mostly the emotions are all on my end and the girl I am with usually has no idea, because she is just sipping on her vodka club and enjoying the free meal I’m about to pay for. However, once and a while running into an ex-girlfriend, booty call, fuck buddy can turn into an ugly, ugly scene. More ugly than period sex at a cherry pie eating contest.  Here within this article I will describe some of those stories, sexcapades and scenes in graphic detail.

Finger Me, Charlie

Once I was on a date with a girl and she kept calling me Charlie for some reason. It was Saturday night at a sushi restaurant on the hip part of town. She was Asian, didn’t know what kind and I didn’t care to know, but I thought it would be nice to take her to sushi, because, well, why not. She had a super sexy accent and pretty much the whole night I couldn’t concentrate, because all I wanted was to hear her moan while I put things inside her vagina. At one point of the night things started to get interesting. We had already had a few plates of sushi and I had already had two vodka rocks with red bull. I don’t usually like to drink alcohol, but on that particular night I thought why not, life is short.

Anyways, I was rubbing her legs and teasing my little Asian date. All under the table so one could see a thing. Then I started putting my hands closer and closer to her pussy. She started to moan. It was exactly how it sounded in my head. Then she said with a long moan, “Finger me, Charlie.” It was a little weird, but very hot – so of course started fingering her. As I’m fingering her I look up and see this girl I had banged the night before walk through the door of the restaurant – right when I had about 3 fingers in my Asian date’s twat. So I told my date to get under the table, as if that was the best place to hide. She immediately took this as a sign to start sucking my dick as we were both huddle under the table.

After about two minutes of her deep-throating me under the table, someone lifted up the table cloth. It was the girl I fucked the night before. She saw us duck under the table and now here she was, having caught me with my dick in some Asian girl’s mouth under a table at a sushi restaurant. So I was I caught, but what could I say. It was embarrassing, sort of, but I got over it pretty quickly.

I Wn To Fck In The BthRm

This next story is a classic, because it shows how completely soulless I am sometimes. I was once on a date with this girl who had very large breasts, but unfortunately she had a very small brain. The date was going okay, except she kept ordering tequila shots and making a fool out of herself. On these kinds of dates you find yourself looking around a lot, spacing out. That is when I noticed this girl I used to fuck on the other side of the restaurant. I remembered her being really great bed. So what did I do? I texted her: “I Wn To Fck In The BthRm.” I had to do it discretely and fast, because I didn’t wanted my date to know.

I knew she got my text, because she immediately started looking around the restaurant. She spotted me and we made eye contact. I get up first and head to the restroom. Luckily there were just one-stall rooms with locks. After 2 minutes the girl I texted met me in the back. We went into the restroom and locked the door behind us. Apparently she was there with a boring date too. She bent over and we had a real quick fuck. After we were finished she pulled up her dress and went back to her seat. I pulled up my pants and went back to mine. My date asked me what took so long in bathroom and I told her there was a line. She believed me and the coast was clear. I was off the hook.

Never Cry Over Spilled Whiskey

One night I was on a date with this cute little artsy chick. She made her own dresses or something. She also had cute little nipples. I met her a few days before at a gallery opening. We started talking and hit it off. She kept telling me that every guy she meets her ends up fucking her slutty best friend and roommate. So that night I ended up fucking her best friend and roommate. I don’t even know how it really happened. I went on a date with the artsy chick, we head back to her place and during a bathroom break I run into the roommate and some how we ended up fucking. This roommate had some serious issues, but so do I. Anyways, I felt bad so I decided to take the artsy chick to a sushi bar for dinner, but I didn’t want to tell her what happened. However, in the middle of our meal the roommate and best friend walked through the door and for some reason I picked up the guy’s drink next to me – some kind of whiskey drink ­– and “accidently” spilled it all over the artsy girl’s head. It was a terrible diversion tactic that ended up causing a drink to be spilled in my face.  I never did talk to the artsy girl ever again. I did fuck her roommate one more time.

I Had Nothing To Do With This Officer

This last story is the most ridiculous, mainly because it’s a true story. I was on a date with this gorgeous woman. She was a real keeper. Blonde hair, smart, funny, fake breasts – the works – I don’t know what it is with women a fake breast implants, I just can’t get enough. Anyways, we were out at this restaurant when this woman walks in. I didn’t recognize her at first, but I quickly realized that is was a woman I had sex with and never called back. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time for a diversion or to duck under the table. She had spotted me almost instantly and started making a beeline for my table.

She started yelling at me and demanding vodka sodas from the waiter. Each time one would get to the table she would down the whole thing in one gulp. She must have had 3 or 4 in fewer than 20 minutes. Then she grabbed my hand and started pulling me through the restaurant. I could tell the date I was with was nervous. I was nervous too. When we got outside the crazy girl asked me to sit in her car to talk for a moment. She was clearly wasted. Then the nightmare began.

She put the keys in the ignition and started driving away. I begged her to stop, but she wouldn’t. So I had to do the only sensible thing and slyly call the cops from the phone in my pocket. About 3 minutes later a cop ran its sirens and flashed its lights behind us. Instead of calmly pulling over she started going faster. I remember thinking: oh great I’m in police chase. After a 5-minute pursuit, the crazy girl jumped a curb and her car was disabled. This wasn’t going to be some driving under the influence charge – this was going to be a police chase charge too. I didn’t even really know this chick, but she had essentially just kidnapped me. The cop jumped out of his car and pulled her out of the driver seat. He demanded that I stay put. He gave her an alcohol breathalyzer – her blood alcohol level was three times above the legal limit. She was going to jail for sure, but I didn’t know what was going to happen to me.

I ended up getting thrown in the slammer, but just for about an hour, because my original date for the night came and picked me up. Turns out the crazy girl was mixing the wrong meds and when she saw me it was a trigger of her hatred for men. I guess I bring the worst out or something. Or maybe I should make it a habit to call girls back. That night I give the fake breasted girl a pearl necklace and then never called her back.

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